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Your legacy
Ten years ago, on Thiruvonam night in August 2010, my mother, Lily Joshua, had a heart attack and passed on. She was sixty-eight years old and very active, with no hospital record. I had just reached the USA a couple of days before—my daughter was starting college there. I can only remember sinking onto the sofa, frozen and unable to comprehend when my husband called to give us the news. My two brothers, who were also not in India, got to Trivandrum much faster and waited for me. The funeral was a blur, as were the days, weeks, and months after it.
My mother and I used to call each other every single day. She lived in Trivandrum and I in Bangalore, but we always found time every day to share a joke or a recipe, or to fight over something inconsequential. After she passed, I would often look at the landline and wonder why she wasn’t calling. I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking she was talking to me. I think her death only registered when my father passed away two years later: my parents were no longer with me.
Their wedding photograph
Fast forward to August 2020. My brothers and I wanted to do something in our mother’s memory. We decided to celebrate her larger than, wonderful life in a virtual memorial.
When she lived in Africa, 1970
We called many of her cousins, nephews, nieces, friends, and of course, grandchildren. We wanted to invite only people who had shared a special bond with her, but the list of invitees kept growing. So we decided to put a cap at fifty people and included only those who were really close to her. We asked each one to speak for about two minutes about a special, shared memory. My niece also created a montage.
Her joy in life—her grandchildren, 2004
On the Zoom call, people shared stories of how my mother had touched their lives. We—her children and grandchildren—teared up listening to them. She was a people person, who gave more than she had, in hospitality, generosity, and love. Nearly half a dozen people on the call claimed to be her fourth child. She loved them all like one of us and made each of them feel as special as I did, being her daughter. Whether it was her church community, or her Malayalee friends in Oman, or all the friends she had grown close to over the last fifty years of her life, each one had a touching story about what she meant to them. Clearly she had left a legacy that would be hard to follow.
As the evening call ended, people messaged or called to say that they were touched by all the stories. As I ruminated over it the next morning, a few questions played in my head: What legacy am I going to leave behind? What will my friends and dear ones say ten years after my death? Would I have touched people, changed hearts, and poured out love like it was coming from a never-diminishing pot?
Nowadays, we tend to measure our popularity by the number of friends on Facebook or likes on Instagram. Is any of that truly our worth? Instead, maybe we should start looking inside and count how many people we have gone out of our way to help or be there for.
Many of us have at least twenty or thirty years left before we join my parents in their heavenly abode. What is the legacy we would like to leave behind? Let’s start from today and work on creating a better society, environment, and sense of community. We can always give more of our time, money, resources, and never-ending supply of love to as many people as possible. Let us not limit all this to just our children and immediate families. If you love nature, go out and work on preserving and nourishing Mother Earth. If you are a woman of God, draw people to your faith. If you are a leader, nurture, mentor, and create future trailblazers.
On your tenth death anniversary, how would you like your legacy to look? Start working on it right away.
Visiting the Pyramids of Egypt, 2007
What’s stopping you? Be a leader even after your time. Go forth and create a legacy!
Coracle ride at Dubare Elephant Camp
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Really thought provoking ! Must work on the legacy part ? tnx for sharing
What a lovely tribute Jessy. And I know the legacy you leave behind will be as touching and meaningful
Well explained , dear. Lillyammachy is truly the woman in Prov 31 …God wants each one of us to be like this. Blessed children and the lovely family …
Nice. Thank you for sharing. Really calls for introspection at this stage of life.
Touched by your narration of your Mom. I used to admire your Mom and the leadership drive she had when e were in STRS. Then after I settled in Trivandrum after my marriage I used to see her quite often in many prayer meetings and community services.She was a stand out figure and had always impressed me with the way she used to make everyone feel wanted and involved and her love for everyone without prejudice. Her passing away was a shock for me too.
. Jess, and Josh( I don’t know Jerry that much )definitely has her genes and her legacy will never die. God bless you all.As you rightly said,I need to think on how I will be remembered 10 years after my passing away . Thank you for that thought .Love you lots
That is so touching!! So very sad that this beautiful flower had left us so early. But the Good Lord has his reasons and has called her back to himself.
The event was, as with all Poyanil events, very well coordinated and done quite well. Yes of course, no one can ever forget Lily Aunty if you have met her even just once. Her legacy is well represented by her three children and their families who are as loving and enterprising as herself . God bless them all and their families. May her soul Rest In Peace.
This is beautiful.
A fitting tribute that says it all.
Thanks Aunty Jessy
Awesome
A very touching tribute to your mother. Our parents were special to us and gave us unconditional love
Very touching. All our parents are special to us. I think of their sacrifices and the trouble we sometimes put them through while growing up. They gave unconditional love and we still enjoy their blessings.
A beatiful way to remember snd and thank them.
Mathai
Ma’am truly touching, i knew her very lil, but thru u i knew she was an awesome soul….i rem our dubare camp….she was worried about me coz she called me a kid….love that trip….
Their wedding pic is such a calssy pic…she looks stunning….
Like u mentioned,lets see what legacy we leave behind…n more over we donno how much time we have here ,we do not think about our death … when only that is a fact which all of our are gonna face…let make a change n leave a mark….
Love,
Nafisa
Jessy such everlasting memories..mothers are so precious .. realization of their worth and depth of love happens after they leave us and we cling to those memories as if we are actually living them ..
thank you for cherishing mothers and sharing Jess
Awesome woman. So glad to read about her .
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story tragic she went so early
parents are so special to children
Such a heart warming post! The good deeds you do are left behind as memories and examples for younger generations and leaders to follow.
You’ve been an amazing mentor! Keep inspiring Jessy Ma’am.
Thank for sharing your Mother, with me. We,Mother’s, often feel , unappreciated,but deep down we are touching lives.
It was my 75th. Birthday,this March 25th. My Children ,(who had stood by me through my Divorce and my New-found life), organised a grand dinner and invited all my friends,and it swelled and swelled ,in numbers?. Nayantara had started a WhatsApp group, into which I was not privy, to write a few lines on what I mean to them and how I had impacted their lives.
So,when Lockdown happened on the eve of my Birthday. It was cancelled. She then ,complied,all that my friends and relations had said,and sent me by Email.
It was such a wonderful Gesture and Present for me!!!??❤️❤️
So, it was like reading my Epitaph, before my demise!!!
I often felt I am not doing anything for my Lord,but that day ,I realised one of His statements, ” Whatever you do for the least of them, (magnitude),You are doing it for Me”. !!!
So, now I just walk my talk and be there for anyone ,at their point of need. This lockdown ,I love, for it made so many things clearer to me.????❤️
Jessy, that was a wonderful tribute to your mom. Through your eyes, I gained insight in to what an awesome personality your mother must have been.
Thank you for the wake up call for all of us. Each one of us must lend a helping hand to those in need, in any way we can.
Very beautifully said Jessy. Really nice tribute to your mom, her legacy is definitely reflected in her kids and grandkids.
Reading this, brought back past memories of Lillykuttyaunty..
Well written Jessy… need to work and improve on our relationships .
Beautifully written Jessy
May her soul rest in peace………….prayers
Very touching and thought provoking
A rich and rewarding life – pretty tough to emulate. A guiding beacon to posterity. May her tribe increase.
Beautiful tribute.
Awesome, thanks for sharing. Stay blessed.
Regards
Ar Arun Govindaraju
For us, there is no goodbye to her. She is always in our hearts.
NoCalling her ‘iron lady’ may be apt but doesn’t suit her well, for her heart was too tender n soft..