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A New Normal

In this time of hope and anticipation of good things to come, I’ve been thinking about a buzzword from the end of the last millennium, kaizen (Japanese for ‘change for the better’), and another word, rewire, in the context of being a woman in the workplace and in general.
We’ve imbibed so much rubbish over the years that we’ve come to accept as gospel. This is clear in the instructions and advice we’ve all given our girl children, which support unfounded myths, such as the old ‘sit with your knees together’, ‘never raise your voice’, and ‘don’t argue’. All this ‘advice’ has created generations of women who do not stand up for themselves, think they must follow the leader, and believe that they come second. I’d love to see this norm stood on its silly head, so that we empower women and girls to be strong, to take a stance, and to hold their heads up high, not because of ego or arrogance but a quiet confidence stemming from the knowledge that all people are created equal and that women have the right to be listened to and treated with professional courtesy in the workplace, and similarly respected everywhere else.

Like all big changes this will not happen just by saying that it should be so. It’s a process that starts in our minds—the minds of those of us women who are strong proponents of ‘empowerment’ and ‘equal rights’ but who balk at doing what we would like to do. Let’s start small, with the belief that we are worthy. Of respect, of being spoken to with courtesy, of not being exploited, and of that thing we all seem terrified of—being ourselves. We need to get comfortable with ‘me time’, ‘thinking about myself’, and ‘me-centric life’.
Many of us are seduced into doing things we’d rather not do. ‘But you cook so well; it just makes sense that you do the cooking’. Everyday? Every meal? Every cup of coffee? Come on! Just say no. We don’t have to be rude; we just need to be firm. Sometimes we need to train the other person (whoever that is) to change their ways of thinking, since they might not even recognise that they are being exploitative. I’ve had responses like ‘Really? But why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ So tell them. Request a cup of tea. Ask the people you live with to pick up after themselves, kindly but firmly. Tell your colleague to do their own work, instead of quietly doing it all for them. Let’s avoid resenting and complaining while continuing to do what we dislike. Change really does start with us.

We can begin by making changes to ourselves and our own lives. Every day, we can make small shifts in our own minds, and in our own ways. We don’t all need to be Gandhi to be the change we want to see, but equally, let’s realise that change we must. Self-respect starts with the self. The little changes we make every day will fuel a conscious rewiring of our conceptions and create empowerment that starts from deep within. In time, this work will increase our mental peace, foster a sense of well-being rooted in unwavering confidence, and contribute to the greater good. ‘Oh, come on’, you might think, ‘the greater good? Really?’ Yes, really. Societies in which women are empowered and treated with respect and dignity function better than most others. Reams have been written by sociological researchers in support of this, and I leave you to the kind succour of Aunty Google to read more.
Let’s do ourselves and society a favour and start treating ourselves and other women better. Start today. You are so worthy.